Why, their spokesperson recently alleged the couple and Meghan’s mother were involved in a “near-catastrophic car chase” instigated by “a ring of highly aggressive paparazzi” after the trio attended the Ms Foundation ceremony in New York where the Duchess was honoured. Other sources (like Heinz, there are 57 varieties) disagree and are insistent there are lots more whiffy pillow cases and grubby sheets they could explosively launder en plein air if the price were right. Some sources say that the couple want to leave the spotlight and turn their back on book deals, celebrity interviews and memoirs in order to concentrate on work behind the camera and prove their creative worth. More saliently, King Charles is using his Romanian retreat as a convenient bolthole to avoid bumping into his son, court botherer (that’s the High Court this time as opposed to the “normal” Buck House one) Harry when he comes over next week to – no prizes for guessing – complain.

I’d much rather talk about Transylvania because I’ve been there and yes, there are actual bears on the streets. Sorry, I simply can’t keep a straight face. Because they have moved onwards and upwards to the highest moral ground where even recreational virtue signalling can result in a nose bleed.Īnd because hencetoforthwithwards they wish to raise their Prince and Princess in such a way that their lived experience will be one of unblemished apple pie privacy in their humble community of gazillionaires. No, it’s because they have made learnings. Not that they’ve run out of things to say, you understand, or that nobody cares much any more. This time they are going for (consults notes) what is known as Dignified Silence.

Right, so it looks as though they are doing it all over again, but this time without the mud-slinging, the tell-all interviews and the general whingefest. Oh wait, they’ve already done that (scampers off to check). Rumours are rife that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are going to abandon Britain and freeze out the Royal family.

Can it be true? Is it just idle gossip? Say it ain’t so.

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